Your child reaches for the toy truck for the third time in a row. Their playmate walks away, frustrated. You watch from across the room, your heart sinking a little. You know your child wants to play—they’re excited about the trucks, engaged in the moment. But the back-and-forth rhythm that makes play feel like connection? That part doesn’t come as naturally.
If this scene feels familiar, you’re not alone. Turn-taking is one of those foundational social skills that many children with autism need extra support to learn. It’s not that they don’t want to share or play with others—it’s that the invisible rules of “your turn, my turn” can feel confusing, overwhelming, or simply unclear.
At The Learning Tree ABA, we believe every child deserves the chance to experience the joy of shared play and meaningful connection. Turn-taking isn’t just about following rules—it’s about building friendships, joining conversations, and feeling like part of the group. And the beautiful thing? It can be taught through the very thing kids love most: play.
Why Turn-Taking Matters for Children with Autism
Turn-taking is more than polite playground behavior. It’s a cornerstone of social interaction that touches nearly every aspect of daily life. When children learn to take turns, they’re actually developing multiple interconnected skills that will serve them throughout their lives.
Turn-Taking Opens the Door to Friendship
Friendships are built on reciprocity—the natural give-and-take that happens when two people genuinely connect. For children with autism, understanding these social rhythms doesn’t always come intuitively. Turn-taking teaches the fundamental pattern of social exchange: I do something, you respond, then it’s my turn again. This simple pattern becomes the foundation for conversations, cooperative play, and eventually, deep friendships.
Research published in 2024 confirms what we see every day in therapy: consistent turn-taking practice leads to measurable improvements in peer interaction. A comprehensive study of behavioral therapy interventions found that structured turn-taking exercises resulted in a 30% improvement in social engagement among preschoolers with autism. These aren’t just statistics—they represent real children connecting with peers in meaningful ways.
The Building Blocks Turn-Taking Develops
When your child practices taking turns through play, they’re simultaneously developing:
Impulse Control: Waiting for a turn means managing the urge to act immediately. This self-regulation skill transfers to classroom settings, family dinners, and group activities. Your child learns that good things are worth waiting for, and that their turn will come.
Communication Skills: Turn-taking naturally creates opportunities for language. “My turn!” “Can I have the blue block?” “You can go first.” These simple exchanges build expressive language and help children understand the power of words to negotiate and connect.
Emotional Regulation: The frustration of waiting, the excitement of participation, the disappointment when playtime ends—turn-taking activities provide a safe space to experience and manage big emotions. With your support and guidance, your child learns that they can tolerate brief waiting periods and that frustration passes.
Attention and Focus: Following a turn-taking sequence requires sustained attention. Your child must track whose turn it is, remember the pattern, and stay engaged even when they’re waiting. These attention skills are crucial for classroom success and everyday life.
Understanding Why Turn-Taking Can Be Challenging
Before we dive into strategies, it’s important to understand why turn-taking might feel particularly difficult for some children with autism. This isn’t about deficits—it’s about different ways of experiencing the world.
The Invisible Rules Can Feel Confusing
Turn-taking relies heavily on unwritten social rules that neurotypical children often pick up through observation. For children with autism, these implicit rules may not be obvious. How long is a turn supposed to last? How do you know when it’s time to pass the toy? What do you do while you’re waiting? Without explicit teaching, these questions can create genuine confusion.
Waiting Involves Executive Functioning
The act of waiting for a turn requires multiple executive functioning skills working together: working memory (remembering it will be your turn), inhibitory control (not grabbing the toy), and cognitive flexibility (adjusting if the game changes). These skills are often areas of challenge for children with autism, making patient turn-taking genuinely difficult—not a behavioral choice.
Sensory and Interest Factors Play a Role
When your child is deeply engaged with something they love—whether it’s watching the wheels spin on a toy car or arranging blocks in a specific pattern—interrupting that focus to “take turns” can feel jarring or distressing. This intense focus is actually a strength in many contexts, but it can make the flexibility required for turn-taking more challenging.
Language Processing Takes Time
If your child is still developing language skills or processes verbal information more slowly, the rapid back-and-forth of typical turn-taking games might move too quickly. They may need more processing time to understand instructions, decide what to do, and execute their turn before the moment passes.
Understanding these genuine challenges helps us approach turn-taking instruction with compassion and appropriate supports—not just behavioral expectations.
Creating the Right Foundation for Success
Before introducing structured turn-taking activities, set your child up for success by creating an environment that naturally supports learning.
Start Where Your Child Is
Meet your child at their current ability level. If they’re just beginning to engage in any kind of play, start with parallel play—simply playing side by side with similar materials. Your child doesn’t need to be “ready” for complex turn-taking to benefit from these early experiences. Every child starts somewhere, and that starting point is perfect.
Follow Your Child’s Lead and Interests
The most powerful learning happens when your child is genuinely interested. Does your child love dinosaurs? Cars? Bubbles? Sensory play with water or sand? Start there. When you build turn-taking practice around activities your child already enjoys, you’re leveraging their natural motivation rather than fighting against it.
Keep Early Sessions Short and Sweet
Attention spans vary, and that’s perfectly okay. Your first turn-taking sessions might last just 2-3 minutes. That’s wonderful! Short, positive experiences build confidence and interest. You can gradually extend the duration as your child becomes more comfortable with the pattern.
Create Visual Supports
Many children with autism are visual learners. Simple visual supports can make the invisible rules of turn-taking visible and concrete:
- “My Turn/Your Turn” cards that you flip back and forth
- A timer that shows visually how long each turn will last
- A waiting board where your child can place a token while waiting
- Photo cards showing the sequence of the activity
These tools aren’t crutches—they’re bridges to understanding.
Practical Strategies: Teaching Turn-Taking Through Play
Now let’s explore specific, actionable strategies you can implement at home, during therapy sessions, or in community settings.
Strategy 1: Simple Back-and-Forth Games
The most basic turn-taking pattern involves a clear, predictable exchange between two people. These games teach the fundamental rhythm of social interaction.
Roll and Return: Sit facing your child with legs spread in a V-shape. Roll a ball back and forth, saying “My turn!” as you roll it to them, and “Your turn!” as they roll it back. The physical action makes the turn clear and concrete. Once this pattern is established, you can vary it—roll fast, roll slow, use different sized balls, add silly sound effects.
Stacking Together: Take turns adding one block to a tower. This combines turn-taking with a shared goal (building something tall!). If your child wants to add multiple blocks, that’s okay—help them understand “one block for you, one block for me” by gently guiding their hand to place just one, then immediately taking your turn. The immediate gratification of seeing the tower grow higher keeps motivation strong.
Cause and Effect Toys: Toys with buttons, levers, or switches that create interesting results are perfect for turn-taking. Pop-up toys, musical instruments, or light-up toys naturally lend themselves to “I push, you push, I push.” The exciting response keeps children engaged while they practice the back-and-forth pattern.
Bubble Play: Blowing bubbles creates natural turn-taking opportunities. You blow, your child pops. Then switch—they blow (or try to), you pop. You can also practice “You blow one bubble, I blow one bubble.” The fleeting nature of bubbles means there’s always another turn coming soon, which helps with impatience.
Strategy 2: Games with Clear Turn Structures
Board games and card games provide built-in turn structures that make social rules explicit and visual.
Start Simple: Classic first games like Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, or Hi Ho! Cherry-O are ideal. The visual board shows progress, each player has a clear playing piece, and the structure is predictable. For very young children or those new to games, consider even simpler options like color-matching games or basic memory games.
Modify for Success: It’s completely fine to adapt games to meet your child’s needs:
- Reduce the number of players to just two initially
- Shorten the game (play until someone reaches the first star instead of the finish line)
- Use a visual timer to show how long each turn should take
- Create a “turn card” that moves from player to player
Narrate the Process: As you play, verbally highlight the turn-taking pattern: “It’s your turn now. You pick a card. Great! Now it’s my turn. I pick a card.” This running commentary helps your child internalize the sequence.
Practice Waiting Skills: Board games naturally involve waiting periods. Use this opportunity to teach waiting behaviors: “While we wait for our turn, we keep our hands in our lap. We can watch what the other player is doing.” Provide a small fidget toy or textured object your child can hold while waiting, if that helps them stay regulated.
Strategy 3: Incorporating Turn-Taking into Daily Routines
Some of the most powerful learning happens in everyday moments, not just during designated “teaching time.”
Cooking Together: Food preparation offers countless turn-taking opportunities. “You pour in the flour, I stir. I crack the egg, you mix.” Even very young children can participate in modified ways—they push the button on the mixer while you hold it steady, you add ingredients while they count.
Reading Books: Take turns turning pages. Take turns pointing to pictures. Take turns making the animal sounds. For children who can read, take turns reading pages or sentences. The predictable structure of a book makes it feel safe to share control.
Building Projects: Whether it’s a block tower, a train track, a puzzle, or a craft project, build it together with clear turns. “I put this piece here, now you choose where to put one.” The shared creation becomes something you’ve made together, teaching collaboration alongside turn-taking.
Music and Movement: Take turns choosing songs, playing instruments, or doing dance moves. “I do a spin, now you do a spin!” Music naturally creates joy and motivation, making turn-taking feel like fun rather than work.
Household Chores: Yes, really! “You put a sock in the basket, I put a sock in the basket.” “I spray the table, you wipe it.” These mundane activities become connection points when done together.
Strategy 4: Using Visual and Physical Cues
Many children with autism respond beautifully to visual supports and physical prompts that make abstract concepts concrete.
Turn-Taking Tokens: Create a simple token system. Each player gets a special token (a colored block, a favorite toy, a photo card). When it’s your turn, you hold your token. When your turn is over, you pass your token to the next player and they pass theirs to you. The physical exchange makes the transition clear.
Visual Timers: Use a visual timer (like a Time Timer) to show how long a turn lasts. Watching the red section shrink helps children understand that waiting has an endpoint. For children who get very attached to activities, the timer provides a neutral “bad guy”—it’s not Mom or Dad ending the turn, it’s the timer.
Physical Turn-Taking Markers: Use carpet squares, chairs, or standing spots to indicate whose turn it is. “When you’re sitting on the blue square, it’s your turn. When you move to the green square, it’s your waiting turn.” Physical positioning can make turn concepts more concrete.
Social Stories and Visual Schedules: Create simple social stories about turn-taking: “Sometimes I want to play with a toy. Sometimes my friend wants to play with the same toy. We can take turns! First it’s my turn, then it’s their turn, then it’s my turn again. Taking turns means everyone gets a chance to play.” Read this story before play sessions to prepare your child.
Strategy 5: Teaching Waiting Behaviors
Turn-taking isn’t just about the “doing”—it’s also about the waiting. Explicitly teaching appropriate waiting behaviors sets your child up for success.
Model Waiting: When it’s not your turn, demonstrate good waiting. Say out loud: “It’s not my turn right now, so I’m going to wait. I can watch you play. I can keep my hands in my lap. My turn will come soon!” Your child learns by watching you manage waiting peacefully.
Provide Waiting Activities: Give your child something appropriate to do while waiting:
- Hold a small fidget toy
- Count on their fingers
- Do simple hand movements (pat legs, touch nose)
- Watch a simple visual timer counting down
Keep Wait Times Short Initially: When first teaching turn-taking, keep wait times very brief—maybe 5-10 seconds. As your child becomes more comfortable, you can gradually extend the waiting period. Success builds on success.
Praise Waiting Efforts: Celebrate when your child waits appropriately, even if they’re struggling: “I see you’re waiting so patiently! Your turn is almost here. Thank you for waiting!” This reinforces the behavior you want to see more of.
How ABA Therapy Supports Turn-Taking Development
At The Learning Tree ABA, our Board-Certified Behavior Analysts (BCBAs) and Registered Behavior Technicians (RBTs) use evidence-based strategies to teach turn-taking skills in a way that feels natural and joyful.
Individualized Assessment and Goal Setting
Every child’s turn-taking journey begins with careful assessment. Our BCBAs observe your child’s current abilities, preferences, interests, and challenges. We ask questions: What motivates your child? What types of play do they already enjoy? What level of support do they need? Based on this comprehensive understanding, we develop personalized goals that are meaningful for your family.
Your child’s turn-taking goals might focus on:
- Engaging in one back-and-forth exchange with an adult
- Taking turns in a preferred activity for 2-3 exchanges
- Waiting briefly (5 seconds) for a turn without protest
- Participating in a simple board game for the duration of one round
- Using words or gestures to request a turn
These goals are specific to your child’s current level and build systematically toward more complex social interactions.
Natural Environment Teaching (NET) Approach
We believe learning happens best in natural, meaningful contexts. Our therapists use Natural Environment Teaching to embed turn-taking practice into activities your child already loves. Rather than sitting at a table doing drills, we’re playing on the floor, building block towers, rolling cars, blowing bubbles, or engaging in whatever captures your child’s interest.
This approach ensures that the skills your child learns during therapy sessions naturally transfer to real-life situations at home, at school, and in the community.
Positive Reinforcement and Motivation
We use positive reinforcement to make turn-taking worthwhile for your child. When your child successfully takes a turn, shares, or waits appropriately, they experience something positive—praise, access to a preferred activity, a high-five, or whatever is motivating for them individually. This creates a positive association with turn-taking, transforming it from a confusing social requirement into something rewarding.
Gradual Skill Building
We don’t expect perfection from day one. Our therapists break turn-taking skills down into manageable steps, celebrating each small achievement along the way:
- Acceptance of Adult Participation: First, your child learns to tolerate an adult playing near them or playing alongside them
- Basic Exchange: Next, we practice simple back-and-forth (roll the ball, I roll it back)
- Brief Waiting: We introduce very short wait periods (3-5 seconds) during preferred activities
- Extended Turns: We gradually increase the number of exchanges in a turn-taking sequence
- Multiple Partners: We practice turn-taking with different people (therapist, parent, sibling, peer)
- Generalization: We help your child use turn-taking skills across different settings and activities
Each step builds on the previous one, creating a strong foundation for social success.
Parent Training and Support
One of the most powerful aspects of ABA therapy is parent involvement. Our BCBAs don’t just work with your child—they work with your whole family. We provide parent training sessions where you learn:
- How to identify turn-taking opportunities in daily routines
- Specific prompting strategies that work for your child
- How to use the same language and approaches we use in therapy
- How to troubleshoot challenges when they arise
- How to celebrate and reinforce progress at home
When everyone uses consistent approaches, your child’s skills develop more quickly and transfer more readily across settings.
Creating Turn-Taking Opportunities at Home
You don’t need special materials or elaborate setups to practice turn-taking at home. Here are practical ideas for embedding turn-taking into your daily life.
During Meals
- Take turns choosing what to serve: “Tonight you choose the vegetable, tomorrow I choose”
- Take turns serving food: “I put pasta on your plate, now you put pasta on my plate”
- Take turns setting the table: “You place a fork, I place a fork”
- Take turns reading labels on food packages or menu items
During Bath Time
- Take turns washing body parts: “I wash your arm, you wash my arm”
- Take turns pouring water: “You pour, I pour”
- Take turns choosing bath toys to play with
- Take turns making bubble beards in the bath
During Outdoor Play
- Take turns on the swing: Set a timer or count pushes
- Take turns going down the slide
- Take turns throwing or kicking a ball
- Take turns choosing which direction to walk on a nature walk
- Take turns riding bikes or scooters around the driveway
During Screen Time
Yes, even screen time can include turn-taking!
- Take turns choosing shows or videos (use a clear schedule)
- Take turns with video game controllers
- Take turns pressing play/pause
- Watch interactive shows and take turns answering questions
During Community Outings
- Take turns pushing the shopping cart at the grocery store
- Take turns choosing items off the shelf
- Take turns pressing the button at crosswalks
- Take turns picking library books
- Take turns ordering at restaurants (you order your food, child orders theirs)
The key is to narrate what’s happening, making the turn-taking pattern explicit and visible.
Troubleshooting Common Challenges
Even with the best strategies, challenges arise. Here’s how to navigate common turn-taking struggles.
“My child has a meltdown when I try to take a turn”
This response is completely understandable, especially if your child isn’t used to sharing control during preferred activities. Try these approaches:
- Start with activities your child is less attached to (neutral interest rather than favorite)
- Keep your initial turns extremely brief (just a second or two)
- Immediately give the item back with enthusiasm: “Great turn-taking! Here you go!”
- Gradually extend the duration of your turns as your child becomes more comfortable
- Provide advanced warning: “In 5 minutes, we’re going to practice turn-taking with the cars”
- Use a visual countdown timer so transitions aren’t sudden
If meltdowns persist, this may indicate that the activity is too challenging right now. Step back to simpler, shorter exchanges and build up slowly. There’s no rush.
“My child grabs the toy back during my turn”
This is a common early behavior that indicates your child doesn’t yet understand or accept the turn-taking pattern. Respond calmly and consistently:
- Gently block the grabbing attempt while narrating: “It’s still my turn. You’ll get a turn soon”
- Use physical barriers if needed (hold the toy slightly out of reach, use a clear container)
- Keep your turns very short to prove that your child will get the toy back quickly
- Immediately acknowledge when your turn ends: “My turn is done! Now it’s your turn!”
- Consider using a visual timer that your child can watch countdown
The key is calm, consistent follow-through without anger or frustration.
“My child seems uninterested in turn-taking activities”
If your child shows no interest, you may not have found the right activity yet, or the approach might need adjustment:
- Ensure you’re using highly preferred items or activities
- Try different types of play (sensory, movement-based, building, imaginative)
- Make your own turns highly animated and interesting to watch
- Add unexpected elements (silly sounds, funny faces, surprising actions)
- Start with even simpler exchanges—maybe just passing an object back and forth
- Consider whether the social demand is too high; some children need to first build comfort with parallel play
Remember, you’re not forcing turn-taking—you’re building positive associations with shared experiences.
“My child takes very long turns and won’t transition”
Extended turns are common, especially with highly preferred activities. Address this with:
- Visual timers that show exactly how long a turn will last
- Advanced warnings: “When the timer beeps, it will be my turn”
- Shorter overall turns for everyone (30 seconds instead of 2 minutes)
- Verbal countdowns: “You have 10 more seconds, then it’s my turn”
- Immediate access to a different preferred activity after transitioning well: “Great job giving me a turn! Now you can [preferred activity]”
Sometimes extended turns indicate that your child needs more processing time. Be patient and adjust expectations.
“My child doesn’t seem to care about taking turns with peers”
Peer interaction is more complex than adult interaction, and it’s completely normal for this to be a later-developing skill. Build toward peer turn-taking gradually:
- First master turn-taking with trusted adults
- Then practice with siblings or familiar children
- Use highly structured activities where turns are very clear (board games, taking turns on a swing)
- Consider setting up play dates with one peer in a controlled environment
- Have an adult facilitate and narrate: “Look, Emma is waiting for her turn! Nice waiting, Emma!”
Social skills with peers develop over time with consistent practice and support.
Connecting with Maryland Resources
Maryland families have access to wonderful resources and organizations that can support social skills development and turn-taking practice.
The Learning Tree ABA
Our Maryland-based team serves families throughout Baltimore County, Montgomery County, Howard County, Anne Arundel County, Harford County, Carroll County, Charles County, Calvert County, Washington County, Garrett County, and Dorchester County. We offer:
- In-home ABA therapy where turn-taking skills are practiced in your family’s natural environment
- Center-based ABA therapy at our 10,000-square-foot facility in Hunt Valley, featuring sensory-friendly spaces and group learning opportunities where children practice turn-taking with peers
- School-based ABA therapy that helps children generalize turn-taking skills to classroom and playground settings
Our BCBAs create individualized programs that meet your child exactly where they are, building skills through play-based, joyful interactions.
Kennedy Krieger Institute
The Center for Autism Services, Science and Innovation (CASSI) offers comprehensive autism services including diagnostic evaluations, intervention services, and social skills groups. Their evidence-based programs incorporate turn-taking practice and peer interaction opportunities.
Pathfinders for Autism
Pathfinders for Autism is Maryland’s largest autism organization, founded by parents for parents. They offer:
- A free helpline (443-330-5341) staffed by knowledgeable professionals
- Extensive resource database including social skills programs
- Family navigation services
- Training and education opportunities
- Community events and activities
Parents’ Place of Maryland
Parents’ Place of Maryland provides information, support, and training to families of children with all disabilities. They offer workshops, resource navigation, and connection to local parent support groups where you can meet other families navigating similar challenges.
Local Social Skills Groups and Playgroups
Many Maryland counties offer social skills groups specifically designed for children with autism. Check with:
- Your child’s school district (many offer after-school social skills programs)
- Local parks and recreation departments (adaptive recreation programs)
- Private therapy clinics and ABA providers
- Community centers and libraries (sometimes host inclusive playgroups)
Ask your BCBA or contact The Learning Tree ABA for specific recommendations in your area.
Celebrating Progress, Not Perfection
As you work on turn-taking skills with your child, remember that progress isn’t always linear. Some days will feel like breakthroughs—your child shares spontaneously, waits patiently, or engages in multiple turn-taking exchanges. Other days might feel harder, with more resistance or regression.
Both of these experiences are normal and expected. Learning social skills takes time, practice, and patience. What matters most is not perfect turn-taking, but the relationship you’re building and the foundation you’re creating for your child’s social future.
Celebrate Every Small Victory
Did your child make eye contact when receiving a turn? That’s worth celebrating. Did they wait 3 seconds instead of grabbing immediately? That’s progress. Did they cry when their turn ended but didn’t throw the toy? That’s growth in emotional regulation.
Every small step forward is meaningful. Every attempt your child makes to engage in this confusing social dance deserves recognition. You’re teaching skills that will open doors to friendship, conversation, cooperation, and connection throughout your child’s life.
You’re Not Alone in This Journey
Thousands of Maryland families are navigating the same challenges you face. You’re not alone in the frustration, the worry, the hope, or the small victories. At The Learning Tree ABA, we walk alongside you, offering expertise, encouragement, and evidence-based support every step of the way.
Turn-taking skills don’t develop overnight, but with consistent practice, appropriate support, and a whole lot of patience and love, your child can learn to share the joy of play with others. And when that happens—when you see your child spontaneously offer a turn, wait patiently for their chance, or light up when playing with a peer—it will all feel worth it.
You’re doing an incredible job. Your child is capable of growth and connection. And we’re here to support you both, every step of the way.
Ready to help your child build social skills through play? Contact The Learning Tree ABA to schedule a free consultation. Our team of dedicated BCBAs and RBTs is ready to create a personalized plan that meets your child’s unique needs and helps them blossom through joyful, play-based learning.
