Your seven-year-old daughter asks why her brother gets to skip family dinners when she doesn’t. Your teenager quietly closes his bedroom door when friends come over, not wanting to explain his sister’s behaviors. Your youngest child whispers, “Did I make him have autism?”

If you’re raising a child with autism in Maryland, you’re intimately familiar with how autism affects your entire family—not just the child with the diagnosis. Your other children, the siblings, navigate a unique childhood filled with both challenges and unexpected gifts. They’re learning compassion and patience at ages when most kids are simply learning to share toys. They’re becoming advocates before they fully understand what advocacy means.

At The Learning Tree ABA, we work with families throughout Baltimore County, Montgomery County, and Howard County, and we see firsthand how autism shapes sibling relationships. Here’s what we want every Maryland parent to know: supporting your neurotypical children isn’t taking away from your child with autism—it’s essential for your entire family’s wellbeing.

This comprehensive guide will help you understand what siblings experience, recognize when they need support, and provide practical strategies to help all your children thrive.

Understanding the Sibling Experience: What Research Tells Us

Before diving into strategies, let’s understand what siblings of children with autism typically experience. Recent research from 2024 offers important insights into both the challenges and strengths these children develop.

The Unique Position of Siblings

Siblings of children with autism occupy a distinctive place in the family system. They’re not the parents, yet they often take on caregiving responsibilities. They’re not professionals, yet they become experts in their sibling’s needs and communication style. They love their brother or sister deeply, yet they sometimes feel frustrated, embarrassed, or resentful—and then guilty for having those feelings.

Research shows that siblings of children with autism often display remarkable strengths. Many develop advanced empathy skills, showing deep understanding of differences and challenges. They frequently become natural advocates, standing up for their sibling and educating peers about autism. These children often demonstrate maturity beyond their years and enhanced problem-solving abilities from navigating complex family dynamics.

However, siblings also face genuine challenges that deserve acknowledgment and support. They may experience less parental attention due to the intensive needs of their sibling with autism, witness behaviors that confuse or sometimes frighten them, face questions from peers they don’t know how to answer, and carry responsibilities that feel heavy for their age.

The Emotional Landscape: What Siblings Feel

Siblings experience a complex range of emotions, often simultaneously. Understanding these feelings helps you respond with compassion rather than dismissiveness.

Love and Protectiveness: Many siblings feel fierce love for their brother or sister with autism. Research from 2024 shows that non-autistic siblings often report viewing their relationship positively and enjoying time with their autistic sibling. They become protective advocates, defending their sibling from teasing or misunderstanding.

Confusion and Worry: Young children may struggle to understand why their sibling behaves differently. They might worry they caused the autism or fear they could “catch” it. Older children may wonder about their sibling’s future and their own role in it.

Jealousy and Resentment: It’s completely normal for siblings to feel jealous of the attention their brother or sister receives. They may resent that rules seem different or that family activities revolve around their sibling’s needs. These feelings don’t mean they love their sibling less—they mean they’re children who need validation and attention too.

Embarrassment: In public spaces, siblings may feel embarrassed by behaviors that draw attention. This embarrassment is developmentally normal and doesn’t reflect poorly on the sibling—it’s a natural response to feeling different from peers.

Pride and Admiration: Many siblings express pride in their brother or sister’s accomplishments, even ones that might seem small to others. They recognize the effort behind progress and celebrate it genuinely.

Guilt: Perhaps most painfully, siblings often feel guilty—guilty for having typical abilities their sibling doesn’t, guilty for feeling embarrassed or frustrated, guilty for wanting parents’ attention.

How Siblings’ Needs Change Across Development

What siblings need from you evolves as they grow. Understanding developmental stages helps you provide age-appropriate support.

Early Childhood (Ages 3-7)

Young children are concrete thinkers trying to make sense of their world. At this stage, siblings may not fully grasp that their brother or sister has autism, but they notice differences. They might ask simple questions like “Why doesn’t he talk?” or make observations like “She doesn’t like loud noises.”

What They Need:

  • Simple, honest explanations about autism using language they can understand
  • Reassurance that autism isn’t contagious and they didn’t cause it
  • Protected one-on-one time with parents
  • Validation of their feelings without judgment
  • Help understanding and managing their own emotions

How to Support Them: Use picture books about autism designed for young children. Organizations like the Organization for Autism Research offer resources specifically for this age group, including “Autism, My Sibling, and Me” workbook for children ages 5-10.

Create simple social stories explaining their sibling’s autism: “Your brother has autism. Autism means his brain works differently. Sometimes loud sounds hurt his ears, so he covers them. He loves you very much, and you love him too.”

Middle Childhood (Ages 8-12)

Children in this developmental stage have more sophisticated understanding but also more complex social pressures. They’re navigating friendships, beginning to care deeply about peer approval, and developing their own identity. Having a sibling with autism can feel complicated during these years.

What They Need:

  • More detailed information about autism and how it specifically affects their sibling
  • Strategies for handling questions from friends and peers
  • Acknowledgment that it’s okay to feel frustrated or embarrassed sometimes
  • Opportunities to connect with other siblings who understand their experience
  • Clear boundaries about their responsibilities toward their sibling

How to Support Them: Teach them age-appropriate ways to explain autism to friends. You might role-play scenarios: “If your friend asks why your sister lines up her toys, you could say ‘She has autism, which means her brain works differently. Organizing things helps her feel calm.'”

Consider connecting them with Maryland sibling support programs. Mt. Washington Pediatric Hospital offers Sibshops in Baltimore City and Baltimore County—workshops specifically designed for siblings of children with disabilities where they can connect with peers who truly understand.

Adolescence (Ages 13-18)

Teenagers face unique challenges as siblings of children with autism. They’re developing independence, forming romantic relationships, considering college and career paths—all while managing complex feelings about their sibling’s present and future.

What They Need:

  • Frank conversations about long-term plans and their role (or choice not to have a role) in their sibling’s future care
  • Permission to pursue their own interests and relationships without guilt
  • Recognition of the maturity and skills they’ve developed
  • Support processing complicated feelings like grief for the sibling relationship they wished for
  • Opportunities to connect with other teen siblings

How to Support Them: The Organization for Autism Research publishes “Life as an Autism Sibling: A Guide for Teens” with testimonials from other teenage and young adult siblings. This resource addresses real issues like explaining autism to dates, managing college decisions, and coping with different family dynamics.

Have honest conversations about the future: “We know you love your brother, and we would never expect you to be his primary caregiver. We’re working on plans for his future, and we’ll involve you in conversations when you’re ready. Your life and dreams matter too.”

Practical Strategies: Supporting Siblings Daily

Understanding siblings’ experiences is important, but what really matters is how you support them day-to-day. These evidence-based strategies make a meaningful difference.

Create Protected One-on-One Time

Perhaps the single most important thing you can do is ensure each child gets regular, uninterrupted time with you. This shouldn’t be leftover time or moments grabbed between therapy appointments—it should be intentional, protected, and consistent.

How to Make It Happen in Maryland Families: Even if in-home ABA therapy is happening at your house, use that time for one-on-one connection with your other children. If your child with autism attends ABA therapy at The Learning Tree’s Hunt Valley center, use that time deliberately with siblings.

Schedule “special time” on the calendar just like therapy appointments—it’s that important. Let your neurotypical child choose the activity during their special time. Maybe your daughter loves visiting Patapsco Valley State Park or your son wants to explore the National Air and Space Museum in DC.

Even 15-20 minutes of focused, device-free attention makes a difference. Put your phone away, make eye contact, and be fully present.

Explain Autism Honestly and Age-Appropriately

Siblings need accurate information about autism to reduce confusion and anxiety. The way you explain autism shapes how they understand and relate to their brother or sister.

What to Say at Different Ages:

Preschoolers (3-5): “Your brother has autism. Autism means his brain works a little differently than yours. Some things that are easy for you are harder for him, and some things that are hard for you might be easy for him. He learns in his own special way.”

School-Age (6-12): “Autism is a difference in how the brain develops. It affects how people communicate, interact with others, and experience the world. Your sister’s autism means she sometimes needs extra help with [specific challenges], and she’s really good at [specific strengths]. She has autism, but it doesn’t define everything about her.”

Teenagers (13+): Share more detailed information about autism spectrum disorder, including current research, why certain behaviors happen, and how therapies work. Discuss both challenges and the neurodiversity perspective. Be honest about unknowns regarding the future.

Always Emphasize:

  • Autism isn’t contagious or their fault
  • Everyone’s brain works differently
  • Their sibling has both strengths and challenges, like everyone
  • Autism is just one part of who their sibling is

Validate All Feelings—Even the Difficult Ones

Children need permission to feel the full range of emotions about having a sibling with autism. When you validate feelings, you teach emotional intelligence and prevent feelings from becoming problems.

Instead of: “You shouldn’t be embarrassed by your sister—she can’t help it!” Try: “I understand feeling embarrassed sometimes. Everyone wants to fit in with their friends. It’s okay to have that feeling, and I’m here to help you work through it.”

Instead of: “Stop complaining—your brother has it much harder than you.” Try: “I hear that you’re feeling frustrated that we had to leave the restaurant early. That’s disappointing when you were looking forward to it. Your feelings matter too.”

Create regular opportunities for siblings to share feelings without judgment. Some families have “feelings check-in” time where everyone (including parents) shares one thing they’re feeling—good or challenging.

Set Clear and Fair Expectations

Siblings often feel that rules are unfairly different for their brother or sister with autism. While some adaptations are necessary, strive for fairness in spirit even when rules can’t be identical.

Making Expectations Fair: Explain the reasoning behind different rules: “Your sister uses her iPad during dinner because it helps her stay calm and regulated so she can eat. You don’t need that support to stay calm at dinner, so you don’t use a device. Everyone gets what they need, even if it looks different.”

Have consistent consequences for all children when safety or respect boundaries are crossed. If your child with autism receives consequences for hitting, siblings should too (adjusted for developmental level).

Assign age-appropriate responsibilities to all children. Don’t overburden siblings with caregiving, but don’t exempt them from family contributions either.

Protect Against Parentification

Parentification happens when children take on adult responsibilities for caring for their sibling. While some helping is natural and healthy, too much can harm sibling development and wellbeing.

Warning Signs of Parentification:

  • Your child regularly misses age-appropriate activities to care for their sibling
  • They express worry about their sibling that seems beyond their developmental level
  • They make sacrifices without being asked, anticipating sibling needs
  • They seem to feel personally responsible for their sibling’s happiness or safety
  • They refer to caregiving duties as “my job”

How to Prevent It: Explicitly tell siblings: “It’s not your job to take care of your brother. You can help sometimes, but you’re the kid and I’m the parent. Being a good sister means being kind and including him when you want to—not being his caretaker.”

Don’t regularly rely on siblings for childcare or behavioral support. Occasional helping during parent showers or brief errands is fine; regular caretaking responsibilities are not.

Ensure siblings have opportunities to be children—playing, relaxing, pursuing interests—without responsibilities.

Building Strong Sibling Relationships

Supporting siblings isn’t just about addressing challenges—it’s about nurturing positive relationships between your children.

Facilitate Positive Interactions

Create opportunities for siblings to enjoy each other without pressure or demands. Identify activities both children enjoy and can participate in together, adapted as needed.

Activity Ideas for Maryland Families:

  • Sensory-friendly playtime at home with activities both children enjoy
  • Modified outdoor play at parks during quieter times
  • Art projects where both children can participate at their own level
  • Music and movement activities
  • Special interests your child with autism loves that siblings can join

During these interactions, stay nearby to support but don’t hover or direct every moment. Let relationships develop naturally with your gentle guidance.

Celebrate moments of connection between siblings. When you notice your neurotypical child showing patience, kindness, or creativity in engaging their sibling, acknowledge it: “I noticed you simplified your instructions so your sister could understand. That was thoughtful.”

Teach Siblings About Their Important Role

Help siblings understand that while they’re not caregivers, they are important in their brother or sister’s life. Research from 2024 shows that siblings can be powerful partners in development—children with autism often feel more comfortable with siblings than with peers, and siblings’ natural interactions provide valuable learning opportunities.

Some Maryland ABA providers, including The Learning Tree ABA, can involve siblings in learning strategies that support their brother or sister—not as therapists, but as informed family members who understand what helps.

Appropriate Sibling Involvement:

  • Learning simple visual supports the family uses
  • Understanding why certain strategies help their sibling
  • Practicing patient communication techniques
  • Celebrating their sibling’s progress in therapy

Not Appropriate:

  • Running formal therapy programs
  • Being responsible for behavior management
  • Sacrificing their own needs to support their sibling

Address Safety and Behavior Concerns

When children with autism display aggressive behaviors toward siblings, it’s essential to take it seriously. Never minimize or excuse hitting, biting, or other harmful behaviors because a child has autism.

Immediate Steps:

  • Ensure the sibling’s physical safety is the top priority
  • Work with your BCBA to develop a behavior intervention plan addressing aggressive behaviors
  • Create a safety plan siblings can use if behaviors occur
  • Validate the sibling’s feelings about the frightening experience
  • Never force a sibling to accept or tolerate violence

Long-Term Solutions: ABA therapy specifically addresses aggressive behaviors through functional behavior assessment and intervention. At The Learning Tree ABA, our BCBAs work with families to identify why behaviors occur and teach alternative, appropriate ways for children to communicate needs and frustrations.

As behaviors improve through consistent intervention, facilitate gradual reconnection between siblings, always prioritizing the neurotypical child’s comfort and emotional safety.

Connecting Siblings With Support

Sometimes siblings need support beyond what families can provide. Maryland offers excellent resources specifically designed for siblings.

Sibshops and Support Groups in Maryland

Sibshops are recreational and educational programs specifically for siblings of children with disabilities. They provide a fun, supportive environment where kids can be themselves with others who truly understand their experience.

Maryland Sibshop Locations:

For teenagers, look for sibling support groups or online communities where they can connect with other teens facing similar experiences. Virtual support groups have become increasingly available, making participation easier for busy families.

Professional Support When Needed

Some siblings benefit from individual counseling to process their experiences. Consider professional support if your child:

  • Shows significant emotional distress related to their sibling’s autism
  • Experiences anxiety, depression, or behavioral changes
  • Has difficulty making or maintaining friendships
  • Exhibits signs of excessive responsibility or parentification
  • Requests to talk to someone outside the family

Maryland has therapists who specialize in supporting siblings of children with disabilities. Organizations like the Autism Society of Maryland can provide referrals.

Educational Resources and Books

Numerous high-quality resources help siblings understand autism and their experiences:

For Young Children (5-10):

  • “Autism, My Sibling, and Me” workbook from Organization for Autism Research
  • “All My Stripes” by Shaina Rudolph and Alison Singer
  • “My Brother Charlie” by Holly Robinson Peete and Ryan Elizabeth Peete

For Teens (13+):

For Parents:

When Siblings Have Autism Too: Understanding Recurrence

Recent research from 2024 reveals important information Maryland families should know: siblings of children with autism have a significantly higher likelihood of being autistic themselves.

A comprehensive study published in 2024 found that one in five children (20%) with an older sibling diagnosed with autism are likely to be diagnosed with autism as well—seven times higher than the general population. When a child has more than one older sibling with autism, the recurrence rate rises to over 36%.

What This Means for Maryland Families

If you have a younger child who has an older sibling with autism, developmental monitoring becomes especially important. This doesn’t mean your younger child will definitely have autism, but heightened awareness allows for early identification and intervention if needed.

Factors Influencing Recurrence:

  • The sex of the older autistic child matters—siblings of autistic girls have higher recurrence rates (34.7%) compared to siblings of autistic boys (22.5%)
  • Male younger siblings have higher likelihood than female younger siblings
  • Having multiple autistic siblings increases recurrence rates

What to Do: Maryland families with an older child with autism should discuss developmental monitoring with their pediatrician for younger siblings. The Maryland Infants and Toddlers Program provides early intervention services for children birth to three showing developmental differences.

If a younger sibling does receive an autism diagnosis, you’re now supporting multiple children with autism while also attending to neurotypical siblings if you have them. Organizations like Kennedy Krieger Institute and Pathfinders for Autism offer resources for families with multiple children on the spectrum.

Preparing Siblings for the Future

As siblings grow older, questions about the future naturally arise. Honest conversations help siblings feel prepared rather than anxious.

Talking About Long-Term Planning

Teenagers especially wonder about their role in their sibling’s future. They may feel assumed responsibility they’re not ready for, or guilt about pursuing their own dreams.

How to Approach These Conversations: Start by asking what they’re wondering: “Have you thought about what happens to your brother when he’s older? What questions do you have?”

Be honest about what you know and don’t know: “We’re working with advocates to develop a long-term plan for your sister. There are many options for adults with autism in Maryland, and we’re exploring what fits best.”

Explicitly release them from assumed caregiving: “We would never expect you to be your brother’s primary caregiver. Our job as parents is to plan for his future in a way that doesn’t limit your life and choices.”

Involve them appropriately in planning when they’re ready: “When you’re older, we’d like to include you in conversations about your sister’s future if you’re interested. But there’s no pressure—you get to choose your level of involvement.”

Supporting Siblings’ Independence and Identity

It’s crucial that siblings develop their own identity separate from being “the sibling of a child with autism.” Support this by:

Encouraging individual interests and talents completely unrelated to autism or disability. If your daughter loves soccer, invest in that passion fully without it needing to connect to her brother’s needs.

Helping siblings set healthy boundaries. If they don’t want to attend autism events or talk about autism sometimes, that’s okay. They’re entitled to parts of life that aren’t autism-focused.

Recognizing their achievements for what they are, not in comparison to their sibling. Avoid statements like “You’re so lucky you can do that—your sister can’t.” Instead: “You worked so hard on that project. You should feel proud.”

Taking Care of Yourself to Support All Your Children

Supporting siblings while raising a child with autism is demanding. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and your wellbeing directly impacts your ability to meet all your children’s needs.

Managing Parent Guilt

Many parents feel intense guilt about not giving neurotypical children enough attention. This guilt is understandable but often not helpful. Instead:

Acknowledge reality: “My child with autism does need more of my time and energy in some ways. This is reality, not a failing on my part.”

Focus on quality over quantity: Regular, meaningful connection matters more than constant presence.

Recognize that some experiences unique to siblings of children with autism are actually growth opportunities. Many siblings develop exceptional empathy, maturity, and advocacy skills.

Getting Support for Yourself

Parents’ Place of Maryland offers support and training for parents of children with disabilities, including resources for managing family dynamics.

Connect with other parents who understand the specific challenge of supporting neurotypical siblings while raising a child with autism. Organizations like Autism Society of Maryland and Pathfinders for Autism can connect you with parent support groups.

Consider your own counseling if you’re struggling with guilt, stress, or relationship challenges related to family dynamics.

Respite Care Opens Possibilities

Respite care provides temporary care for your child with autism, allowing you to spend focused time with siblings or take care of yourself. In Maryland, respite may be available through:

  • The Autism Waiver
  • Developmental Disabilities Administration services
  • Local nonprofit organizations
  • Private pay providers

Don’t wait until you’re completely burned out to access respite. Regular, planned breaks make you a better parent to all your children.

Celebrating the Gifts of Sibling Relationships

While we’ve discussed challenges extensively—because they deserve attention and support—let’s also acknowledge the profound gifts that come with these unique sibling relationships.

Unexpected Strengths Siblings Develop

Research consistently shows that siblings of children with autism often develop remarkable qualities:

Advanced Empathy and Compassion: Growing up with a sibling with autism teaches deep understanding of differences. Many siblings become especially attuned to others’ feelings and needs.

Advocacy Skills: Siblings learn young how to stand up for others, educate peers, and create inclusive environments. These skills serve them throughout life.

Patience and Flexibility: Navigating a world that doesn’t always accommodate their sibling teaches adaptability and patience that benefits siblings in countless situations.

Unique Perspectives: Siblings often have refreshing perspectives on success, worth, and what truly matters in life. They recognize that achievement comes in many forms.

Leadership and Maturity: Many siblings develop leadership skills and maturity beyond their years from navigating complex family dynamics and advocating for their sibling.

The Special Bond

Despite challenges, many siblings describe their relationship with their autistic brother or sister as one of the most important in their life. Recent research from 2024 found that many non-autistic siblings view their relationship positively and enjoy spending time with their autistic sibling.

Siblings often share a unique understanding and connection. They communicate in ways others might not understand. They celebrate victories that might seem small to outsiders but they know required tremendous effort. They develop inside jokes and special routines that strengthen their bond.

Moving Forward as a Family

Supporting siblings of children with autism isn’t a one-time conversation or intervention—it’s an ongoing commitment woven into your family’s daily life. Every family’s journey looks different, and what works for one family may not work for yours.

What Matters Most:

  • All your children feeling seen, valued, and loved
  • Open communication where feelings can be expressed safely
  • Regular one-on-one time with each child
  • Appropriate support for siblings when they need it
  • Building on strengths while addressing challenges
  • Creating space for all your children to be children

Remember that seeking support for siblings isn’t taking resources away from your child with autism—it’s ensuring your entire family thrives. When siblings feel supported and valued, family dynamics improve, which benefits everyone, including your child with autism.

Getting Professional Support for Your Whole Family

If your family is struggling with sibling dynamics, or if you want to be proactive about supporting all your children, professional help can make a significant difference.

At The Learning Tree ABA, we recognize that autism impacts the entire family system. Our BCBAs can work with you to:

  • Develop strategies for positive sibling interactions
  • Address concerning behaviors that affect sibling safety
  • Create family routines that meet everyone’s needs
  • Involve siblings appropriately in understanding their brother or sister’s therapy

Our in-home ABA therapy services throughout Baltimore County, Montgomery County, and Howard County allow us to see family dynamics in natural settings and provide tailored support.

We also offer parent training that can include strategies for supporting neurotypical siblings alongside your child with autism.

Maryland Resources for Sibling Support

A Message of Hope

Raising multiple children—some with autism, some without—is complex, demanding, and sometimes overwhelming. There will be moments when you feel like you’re failing everyone. Those moments don’t define your parenting or your family.

What defines your family is your commitment to loving and supporting all your children. The fact that you’re reading this article, seeking ways to better support your children, shows the depth of your dedication.

Your neurotypical children are on their own important journey. With your support, appropriate resources, and space to process their experiences, they can develop into compassionate, resilient individuals while maintaining a positive relationship with their sibling with autism.

You’re not alone in this journey. Thousands of Maryland families navigate these same challenges. With support, understanding, and practical strategies, all your children can thrive.

The Learning Tree ABA provides comprehensive, family-centered ABA therapy throughout Maryland. We understand that autism affects the whole family, and we’re committed to supporting siblings alongside children with autism. Contact us to learn how we can help your entire family flourish.

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